


Nami Nami

by LittlePupmkinPrince



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Comfort, Joe Is a Good Boyfriend, Lullabies, M/M, Men Crying, Nightmares, Singing, Sleepy Cuddles, Soft Boys, World War II, mention of death people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:08:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25289575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittlePupmkinPrince/pseuds/LittlePupmkinPrince
Summary: Nicky and Joe try their best to help the la Resistenza in Italy. But its war, and they can't save everyone. Nicky struggles with this burden, that haunts him still in his dreams.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani & Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 4
Kudos: 103





	Nami Nami

**Author's Note:**

> Even if we forgot memories, our humanity is the thing that makes a difference.

Nicky couldn't remember the last time he slept in a real bed. Even less could he remember when he had a proper shower. For weeks he had only known the hilly, dusty landscape around him and the naked sky above his head. A few times they had had the luxury of sleeping in a cave or a shed. Nicky was terribly tired. Tired from walking, tired from fighting. As he kept trying to hide his exhaustion from the rest of the group, he looked over at Joe. He walked as usual with his head held high and looked just as eager for action as he did a few months ago. Only his beard and his black curls had become significantly longer. Even though he showed no signs of fatigue, Nicky knew that he too desired for an end of the fights. He saw it when he talked about Andy and Booker. There was a longing glint in his eyes when he said their names. But their mission was clear. They both helped the Resistenza as much as they could, while Andy and Booker were in France and England to the fight against fascism too. It was not about winning the war, it was about saving as many innocent lives as possible. A task that consumed all their strength. Because it seemed as if the world was losing its mind a little bit more.

No matter how hard they tried, success was always accompanied by failure. With each day, the weapons on their backs became heavier, just like their smiles. The small group suddenly stopped. One of the men shouted to them that they would take a short rest under one of the ledges. Nicky didn't notice how he sighed in relief. Hurriedly, he put down his gear and sat in the shade leaning against the stones. Joe did the same and laid his head on Nickys shoulder. "Tell me what you think, you've been so quiet lately," he muttered barely audible. "I dream of how I would like to be now in that wonderful hotel in Venice that you loved so much." Joe laughed softly, "I liked the bed and the bathtub, preferably when you were in both. And not to forget the clams and the wine," he looked up at Nicky, "do you think Booker and Andy would be very angry if we went on holiday alone after all this?" Nicky gave him a quick kiss on the hair. "No, but only if you let them know in advance and at least get them a room too." For a while they sat there in silence watching the other men. There were only seven of them left and they had just returned from blowing up several bridges and railway lines. At the last one they were caught and had fought a fierce battle. They had only managed to escape by taking a roundabout route. But now they could be sure that large arms shipments wouldn't arrive in time for attacks on several bases. The partisans have an easy job and should be able to recapture the places quickly without great losses. For them there was not much to do for the time being, except to put as much distance as possible between themselves and the Wehrmacht. 

A young lad ran over to them, probably not 19 years old, a child. Nicky remembered that his name was Marco and he still had some innocence in his eyes. "We'll be leaving shortly. It's not far to the shelter and we should be there before sunset," he told the two men happily. Joe and Nicky sat up, sighed, put their gears back on and gathered with the other men. They quickly fell back into the mute routine, accompanied only by the sound of the crunching sand and the clatter of their weapons. They moved slowly downwards along the cliffs. After a while, Joe turned to Nicky "What do you think? Are we going to sleep in a hayloft again tonight, or just blankets and a wooden floor?" Nicky mumbled "you really know how to put someone in the mood for dinner." Joe laughed a little, "I just hope it's a small space," and winked at Nicky. The two were used to being in constant close contact with each other. But in the war, it was clever not to reveal too much about each other and not to give them a target to attack. They were sure that the rest of the group didn't mind the truth, but they preferred to be just "good friends". This also meant that they minimized their affection or limited it to a few seconds in a dark corner. Joe could clearly see that this was chewing on Nicky. In general, his steps seemed to become heavier with each passing day and his voice quieter. So he really hoped that their job would be over as soon as possible and that they would finally have peace. Joe was confident. The news from the other countries promised that his dream comes closer. In the Normandy the Allies had probably landed months ago and were beating the Germans back further and further. In Italy the changes were spreading too.

Joe was just about to cheer Nicky up with a joke when their leader gave the signal to stop. At the end of the rocky ridge there was an overgrown hillside to the right with very little rocks. At the bottom was the sand road leading to the village. Unlike in the last hours there were enough trees and bushes to provide cover. It was still risky, but better than climbing further over boulders. Slowly one after the other they climbed down. This was followed by further minutes of silent marching. At a sharp curve they stopped again and they got the signal to take cover. Joe and Nicky crawled over to the leader whose name was plain Raul. "What's going on?" Joe asked as quietly as possible. Raul didn't answer but pointed to the sand of the road a few meters away. There were clearly visible tire tracks. German trucks and they were definitely not from yesterday, but rather fresh. "Hey Nicky, how many are this?" Joe asked. Nicky started a while concentrated on the tracks "Five or four. They were loaded heavily on the outward journey and much lighter when they left. ", "Troop transports?" Nicky shook his head "I don't know, but I don't think so. The village doesn't have the capacity for so many men and they would have no reason to station anyone there, far too outlying. I think they've come from Cinquefrondi and moved on to the next big town." Raul looked at Nicky examining under his cap and said "So you think it's safe?" Nicky nodded "at least not any more dangerous than usual." 

Raul was satisfied with this and let the squad march on. After about two kilometers they came to a large open area and found the answer to the strange tire tracks. From a distance Joe saw that Nicky was right. It hadn't been soldiers on the trucks. It wasn't weapons or supplies either, it was worse. Numerous motionless bodies lay on top of each other on the dry grass that was darkened by the blood. Slowly the group approached the cruel scene. "These are women and children" Marco suddenly gasped in terror and ran the last meters to the corpses. He was right, the majority of the people shot to shreds were women and children, some young guys and a few older men were also among them. Without a word the group walked through the bodies, in the quiet hope of finding someone alive after all. Joe noticed how Nicky stood on the edge of the massacre and started down without any expression at one of the woman's. As he walked over to him, he followed his gaze and saw what disturbed his lover. The young woman, probably just about 20 years old, clings to a small body even in death. She had probably tried to protect her child from the bullets. Nevertheless the wrapped up toddler hadn't escaped his fate. In his little hand he still had a little puppet, which was colored just as red as the rest of the surroundings. Joe squeezed Nicky's shoulder soothingly. The Italian liked children, very much even. He remembered how in the last village he had told some kids stories until late at night and had given them candies. Yes, Nicky was very fond of children. "Nicky are you okay?" Joe asked cautiously. Nicky only shook his head briefly and breathed heavily. Joe understood, now was not the time for emotions, it was not even time to take care of the poor souls at their feet. After they realized that none of the 60 or so people had been spared, they left in oppressive silence. Joe had tried to remember as many faces as possible in case he was asked about them. 

Nicky walked beside him a little bit slower as if the weight on his shoulders had got heavier. Joe, however, did not dare to speak to him. Not now, not here, not when they weren't safe. When they arrived in the village, the sun was already setting and the buildings were bathed in a bright orange. It was one of the bigger places and the stone buildings moved upwards like stairs on the rocks. There were no soldiers around and the inhabitants seemed to be enjoying their daily lives. But this did not manage to cover the gloomy mood of the group. A young woman approached them joyfully and Raul embraced them wildly. Speaking hastily, he pointed to the rest of them, the woman nodded and then ran back up the street. Raul turned to her "My friends, we were awaited. Everything is prepared for the night and we have nothing to worry about" a wave of relief came over them all. Raul continued "Tomorrow morning I'll go on to Trevi with Luca und Pietro" he was silent for a moment and lowered his voice "there are a few things I have to report. The rest is welcome here as long as they want to stay." With this Raul showed them that they should follow. As they walked along the road, laughing children ran past them and the women of the village waved him cheerfully. It felt a little as if they had already won the war. A piece of peace in a world infested by madness. Nicky had no eyes for it and didn't appreciate it at all. His eyes were tense and focused on taking one step at a time. He didn't want to give in to this peaceful illusion, not yet.

At the village plaza they met the young woman again, who turned out to be Raul's sister. Like heroes, she greeted everyone and repeatedly expressed her joy at their presence. She further explained to them, to the delight of Nicky and Joe, that they do not have to sleep on the floor or in the hay. There are enough rooms for all of them with beds and even enough water for washing. Joe and Nicky stayed with a family who lived near the small church in the village. Their room under the roof was clean and the small window still gave enough light to make the bed shine like a gift from the gods. They didn't question why they were given a bed together without any comment and just accepted this little moment of happiness. But before Nicky could fall face first into the white sheets, Joe pulled him into the laundry room of the house. Although the water was icy, for which their hosts apologize several times, the two men could not wash the filth off their skin fast enough. Nicky took the time to thoroughly clean Joe's hair, which was literally crusted with the dust of the last days and the blood of their opponents. When they looked halfway civilized again and had exchanged their old clothes for new ones they sat in the kitchen and ate something decent for the first time in weeks. It was nothing special, fresh bread, some stew, cheese, apples and wine. But for Nicky and Joe it was probably the most delicious thing they could imagine. But even in their hunger they remained modest and ate only so much that they were just full. Silently they sat next to each other, fearing that one word would take that moment away. Before they disappeared to their room, they thanked for the hospitality and promised that they would show their gratitude. 

Only after the wooden door of their room had fallen into the lock, Nicky admitted to himself how tired he really was. His limbs felt as heavy as his thoughts. Even Joe seemed to fall off the proud walk and the exhaustion spread over his face. They quickly put out the candle and disappeared under the thick blanket. As Joe pulled Nicky towards him he felt the warm feeling of security for the first time since their last stay in a bed. No stolen kisses in the shadows, no secret touches in the light of the moon. No, it was exactly as it should be. Nicky turns his head toward his lover "do I get another good night kiss or do I have to wait till morning?" Without answering, Joe granted his wish and kissed him with such emotion that it almost brought tears to Nicky's eyes. After all these years, it was still an indescribable feeling of love that never seemed to fade with each passing day. When they finally broke away, Joe held him even tighter "Tomorrow you can have more of that" he whispered against his shoulder and even though he couldn't see Nicky, he was sure he was smiling dumbly. Nicky really smirked into the darkness and before he fell asleep he knew that he will never be happier in his endless life.

However, happiness alone was not enough to forget. To forget all the things Nicky has seen in his life and will see in the future. It was the memories that haunted him in the darkness. Sounds, voices, smells and then their faces, which accused him of all the things he couldn't prevent. At first it was only the ghosts of the past, of long forgotten battlefields, of fallen empires. But then the picture changed and Nicky saw them. It was the young woman who held the bleeding bundle against her body. The boy whose uniform jacket slipped from his slender shoulders. The girl who was still holding her little brother's hand. They all blamed him for his failure and his immortality. But more than that, they begged their murderer for their lives, the murderers in whose ranks Nicky now stood. The blood of all the innocent lives sloshed around his ankles and rose from minute to minute until it seemed to swallow him up. He heard the screams and begging in all the different languages as he slowly drowned in the deep blackness again and again. Nicky couldn't do anything but beg for forgiveness and bear the sight of the suffering dead. 

Joe noticed immediately that something was wrong when he was woken from his well-deserved sleep so suddenly. With racing hearts, he looked around the room that was lit only by the pale moonlight. He soon realized what had woken him. Nicky tossed himself back and forth in his arms. Sweaty, his hair stuck to his forehead and his fingers clawed into the sheets. Only in the margins did Joe notice that he seemed to speak in his sleep. At first he did not understand what he was saying exactly, but with every passing minute Nicky became louder. "No, please, not her. Please let her go, take me, take me." he whimpered. Over and over again, he begged for forgiveness. It broke Joe's heart to see his beloved like that. It wasn't the first time in hundreds of years, but it still hurts him like in the first day. Joe tried to wake him from his nightmare. "Nicky, Nicolo, wake up," he said, gently shaking him by the shoulders. Nicky just cried and begged even more for the lives of people he didn't even know the names of. Joe became more forceful and louder because of it, "Nicolo, it's Yusuf. Destati o Habibi. Voi sognate. Destati Nicolo!" Nicky jumped up and gasped for air. With raging breath he looked around searching for Joe, who looked at him so worried. Without saying anything, Nicky threw himself into his arms and clawed into his shirt. Joe didn't say anything because he knew there weren't the right words for what he saw. So he stroked Nicky only quietly over the back and through his hair, who had started to cry trembling. So now they both sat in the dark while Nicky drowned himself in his own humanity. For Joe it had become easier to deal with all this. He had found his way, even if it was questionable. But Nicky had no other outlet but him. He piled everything up behind his soft expression until his mind couldn't take it longer. In those moments, Joe had learned to wait and bring comfort only when it was wanted. Nicky needed that pain, that grief, and Joe let him have both.

He didn't know how long they sat there, when Nicky's silent tears turned into a soft whimper and when the hands in Joe's shirt became weak. It was Nicky who finally broke the silence, "Forgive me, I woke you." Hardly more than a whisper, yet it made Joe's heart ache. "How can I sleep when my lover is suffering at my side" he asked just as quietly. "Do you want to talk about it?" Joe added after a while. It took Nicky a few moments to decide "We could have saved them for sure if we hadn't had to escape." Joe didn't have to ask what he meant. It was obvious what he was talking about. He pressed the man closer "Maybe yes, maybe no. We may be immortal, but the future is as uncertain for us as it is for the rest of humanity, and we must bear it as well." "But children Yusuf, children! How can you kill such innocent creatures? How can people be so cruel?" Joe didn't know what to say, because after all these years he still didn't know the answer to this question he had heard so often. "I can still see their faces. Every time I close my eyes, I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid of the things they say and that they might be true," Nicky whispered after a bit, as if it was a shame to say it too loud. 

For Joe it was only a sign that Nicky hadn't changed despite all the blood on his hands and that impressed him more than anything else. "I know, I remember them too, every one. We should cherish them as long as we can, but in their honor, not as a punishment for us." Joe took a deep breath. "We should make sure their deaths were not in vain and not give ourselves over to the despair." Joe took Nicky's face in his hands and looked into those glassy eyes that seemed so lost. "Listen, this is not punishment. You're not a bad person for not being able to stop the fate of history. No one else but the culprits themselves are to blame and they are the only ones who should suffer. Not you Nicolo. Not you who is so full of kindness that the world doesn't deserve it. Not you, who bleeds at the sound of each silenced child's laughter." New tears welled up in Nicky's eyes and Joe squeezed him so tightly as if he could save him from the cruelty of this world. As he absently stroked his hair, he whispered sweet words in long forgotten languages, not knowing if they were for Nicky or for himself. Joe was tired, but for Nicky, he would stay awake until the end of time when it would drive his demons away. But he didn't have to. Nicky's breathing became calmer by the minute and any tension seemed to fall from him. 

"Shall we go back to sleep?" Joe asked after a while. Nicky released himself from his embrace and rubbed his swollen eyes "Only if you stay with me". Joe gently pressed a kiss on his lips "Today, tomorrow and till the end of time". A tired smile fluttered across Nicky's face before he lay down again. Joe followed his example and Nicky immediately buried his face on his shoulder. Protectively, Joe put his hand into Nicky's neck, which snuggled even closer to him. After a few minutes, Joe began to sing very softly. It was a melody that was older than himself and words that promised comfort and love since his childhood.

Nami Nami ya zgheereh  
Ta neghfa 'al-haseereh  
Nami 'al-aateemeh  
Ta tenzah-el ghaemeh  
W yseer 'anna daw kbeer  
Yedwi 'aa kellel jeereh

As Joe let the last words fade away, Nicky was fast asleep. All the horror and helplessness were gone from his face. Peaceful as he was, he looked so young. Not like someone who had already experienced all the worst in humans. Joe might have not been able to protect him from all those painful thoughts. But he could make them more bearable, because after all these years their fate hadn't become easy. Whatever was to come, they would be there for each other until their time arrived. As Joe also drifted into the slumber, he hoped it would end for them as it had begun. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> Translation of the song.
> 
> sleep sleep baby  
> to take a nap on the mat  
> sleep in the dark till it is gone  
> and the big light come  
> illuminate all the neighborhood
> 
> The song Nami Nami is an old Arabic lullaby that has many versions in different countries. I like the idea that Joe is a singer and will hum tuns to comfort people. He will sing for Nicky every time he can't sleep. 
> 
> The names of the villages are fictive and have no connection to real places. And please ignore the historical accuracy.


End file.
